'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
