i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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