So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
