ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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