he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
