I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
