Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
