I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
