Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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