So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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