:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
