Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Enjoy the penises
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
