4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
