So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
