Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
