Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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