Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
