Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
