Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
