I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
