Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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