But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
