i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he fucked my hip out of place.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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