Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
