Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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