Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
