Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
