I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
