So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
