you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
