I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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