You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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