I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
