i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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