I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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