I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
