This show inspires me to have sex in space
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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