Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
