You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
