there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
