i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
