Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You work out of a Hotel?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
