her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
