Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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