it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
