I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
