thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
