I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
