Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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