Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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