"it" just moved
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
