I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
