I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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